Perhaps, it was because I heard enough noise already. I had seen how the world disintegrates every now and then. I had seen the same old routines, been into the same busy long lines and crowded room. I had seen enough unhappy faces and some who’s just trying to be okay. I had seen enough reflection of myself with other people and all we could ever give were fake smiles and got-no-choice gestures.
I had tried to drag myself early in the morning to go to work, forced myself in conversations I wish I could walk away from. I had been into so many circles that made my dreams their target of ridicule.
During the days, I see myself getting by, fitting my corners on the dark sides I don’t truly belong. I had gathered enough complaints I never had the courage to spill. It was during the day where I am forced to kill my passion to keep up with my career.
I had seen everything enough under the broad daylight as I grew old. And everything I do seemed to always appear clearer. Everyone sees it. All of them have got a comment for it.
And maybe that’s why I am more in love with the night because they gave me the times-up, they gave me the dismissals. They gave me silence. They gave me the freedom to be alone. Just like me, the rest are also out there, seeking for peace.
I might appear strong during the day. But it was actually at midnight when I allow myself to be weak. It’s during the nights when I could shut away my world from everyone else. I could be fragile. I could lock my door. I could be silent. I could be a letdown. I could be just another tired soul recharging. I could be myself -the one that only a few good people could see.
I am in love with the night because just like the world, I am allowed to get tired. I am allowed to rest. I am allowed to be alone with myself. I could shrink like the sun. I could be that jet-black sky with no promising stars. It’s during at night where I could recall where I failed, where I went wrong. I could trace my imperfections. I could write something about them until the pain stop hurting.
It’s during at night where I am allowed to take a break.
So for the next day, I could try once again.